Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My balls are so social today.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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