I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
