I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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