Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
