Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
