if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
