Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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