i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I will pee on everything he values.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
