Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
