i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
