can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize