did you get engaged???
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
