There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The air taste purple.
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