can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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