he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
