honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
