Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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