no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
