those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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