his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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