i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Everclear isn't food dammit
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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