wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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