I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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