Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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