Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
