You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
