the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize