I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
