I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
