There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
