had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
