Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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