If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
