and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
