well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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