if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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