i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
