when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
