her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
