one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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