He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
