Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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