I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
