I hate all girls vehemently.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
