Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
