Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
