Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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