Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
