The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
