dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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