Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
