Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
