Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
