did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
