We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
