I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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