let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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