Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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