There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
