we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
