There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Come on in and take your pants off
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