Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
