Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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