You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
