How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
