I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
