Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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