I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
