woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
